Have we no shame?

I’ve just blogged about socks. Now it’s time to get serious.

At the risk of sounding old-fashioned or, gasp, old, I remember a time when we didn’t even think about putting ads on TV for feminine or incontinence products, hemorrhoid cream, men’s performance issues in the bedroom, etc. Now, we hear less about hemorrhoid cream and more about Viagra and Cialis. Is this all people think about? Good grief! Why not turn our attention to the higher things of life like how to improve our relationships, eat healthier meals, or manage our finances? Maybe if we thought more about those things, rather than having an over preoccupation with sex, we’d all be better off. I’m not trying to trivialize the need for getting proper medical help for a delicate personal issue, but it seems like we’re bombarded by the topic of sex in one form or another. If it isn’t drug therapy, it’s scantily clad women in an automobile ad, or worse. Maybe if we respected our bodies more and kept private the things that should remain private, we’d have a society with better morals. Just saying.

Copyright © 2015 by Theresa M. Williams

Would you describe your family as “dysfunction junction?”

I’m talking about the ‘entombment’ of family issues. For twenty something years, I went through rejection by my husband’s family. (For more information on my experience, read “From Agnostic to Deacon, A Story of Hope and Conversion” available on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle formats. If you live in Charlotte, NC, you can go to Park Road Books to buy a copy.)

Kevin’s family decided I was too ‘backwards.’ I didn’t fit their perception of what they expected me to be. My mother-in-law’s mental illness didn’t help. Only after my parents-in-law died did our immediate family realize that my low self-esteem at the time had only made matters worse. Now that my self-esteem is much stronger, my relationship to my sister-in-law, in particular, is much improved.

The number of things that can hinder family relationships are too numerous to mention, so I’ll focus on just a few in the next blog post. I’ve already mentioned self-esteem (see my blog post entitled Entombment of Rejection just a few posts ago).

  1. Incorrect/negative perceptions, assuming.
  2. Finding fault, judging others or criticizing. This one, I hope, is self-explanatory.
  3. Overstepping your bounds.

I think that’s enough to go over for now.

Copyright © 2015 by Theresa M. Williams

The Entombment of Rejection

This type of entombment can take many forms, some of which are:

Rejection by others:
Abuse, bullying, deliberate ignoring, unacceptance, and unkind teasing.

Rejection of yourself:
Self-destructive behavior (such as alcohol or drug addiction and self-mutilation), self-loathing, and poor self-esteem.

For now, I will talk about self-esteem.

Poor self-esteem makes so many things in life difficult, particularly our relationships with others. It makes sense that if we have a poor opinion of ourselves and don’t love ourselves (appropriately), it doesn’t help our opinion of others or our ability to love them as they are. We have to start by working on ourselves. After all, we can’t give to others what we don’t have (for) ourselves, i.e. love, respect, and kindness.

How do we know we have an inferiority complex, poor self-esteem or are insecure?
– By listening to our words to others about ourselves:
– Do we put ourselves down, i.e. say we’re stupid or an idiot… a lot?
– Do we unduly criticize ourselves over and above what is normal?
– Have we forgiven ourselves for mistakes committed in the past OR do we ‘should’ on ourselves? In other words, do we say ‘I should have done this’ or ‘I should have done that,’ but didn’t?
– Do we allow others to get away with things they shouldn’t, i.e. hurt us physically without doing anything about it? (We can discuss ‘enabling’ behavior later.)
– Do we feel the need to brag or boast about something in order to ‘prove’ to others we are a great lover, a good worker, a good parent, etc.?
– Do we do this because we need to convince ourselves of this, because deep down we doubt we are what we are boasting about? Because—think about it—if we are convinced, why do we need to convince others?
– We think whenever people are talking it’s about us.
– We are supersensitive and take things (said to us) personally, i.e. we respond (defensively). i.e. ‘What did you mean by that?’

In my next post, I will spend a little time talking about what to do if poor self-image is holding you back.

Copyright © 2015 by Theresa M. Williams